Free Writing

The Beginning… written on a beach in Dominican Republic on 06/15/2019

There is a time for everything, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to mourn. Right now, is a time of self-discovery and resilience. As I sit here on this cloudy day, with the sun peeking out at this beautiful beach, I can’t help but think how unexpected this trip has been. How unexpected this ear thus far has been and how utterly grateful I am for my health now, yet how sad about the how’s of this lesson.

Have I allowed myself to really feel the depthless of this loss, or has my answer been to run away and turn to distractions? I didn’t know what I had to write about until I started and honestly am surprised where this is taking me.

Sadness, tears in my eyes. So much joy and sadness at the same time, it feels like balance, is that crazy? As I take a moment to pause and look at the beauty of the sea in front of me, I am ultimately knowing that my gratitude is beyond words, that I am supported by the universe and that I am whole.

I attract peace and abundance. There was one year that all I wanted was balance, and another that I requested peace. I’ve slowly worked and attempted, and it feels like the hard lessons assisted with the reach of this point. I feel things that do not seem as possible to be felt simultaneously.

I feel weak and powerful

I feel alone and loved.

I feel in awe and angry.

I feel love.

I feel love.

I am love.

Everything is love.

Thank you, God, Thank you Goddess, Thank you Spirit, Thank you Universe.

I am whole and incomplete.

I am blessed and unfortunate.

I am unbending yet flexible (this one made me laugh out loud)

As I write, I cry and laugh. As I lean back, I recognize my strength in doing that and the weakness in my toes and legs tingling due to holding my position too long and realizing the extent of how much is exactly what I’ve realized.

Where does it get us? To label things as right or wrong? Better or worse? Bad and good? We do it all the time, but the duality of all things make it impossible to choose one. The balance is in the awareness of both. Is there an ability to choose? Probably. Do we have to? Definitely not.

I want to keep writing but I also just want to lay here.

I’m doing both. This beauty, this perfection in front of me is breathtaking, yet I’m giving it all my breaths. A time to pause. This life is now. Namaste.

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